Back To December
by zachandhale
Summary: A Zach and Cammie songfic based on Taylor Swift's Back To December. Oneshot. Enjoy!


**A/N: This is my first songfic ever :/ Not really sure how to write them so sorry if it's really terrible! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gallagher Girls, or Back To December! **

"Zach?" I whispered into my cell phone, holding my breath.

"Cammie." He replied in a cold, hard voice.

A cold, hard, _heart breaking_ voice.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" I asked, still holding my breath, my heart racing.

"Sorry, I'm busy." Was his quick, short reply.

"Please." I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes "I want to see you."

"Fine, whatever, but I can't stay long. I have somewhere to be, later tonight." He said, before hanging up on me.

**I'm so glad you made time to see me.  
How's life, tell me how's your family?  
I haven't seen them in a while.**

"How is Catherine and Bella?" I asked, sitting across my living room from Zach. **(A/N: Catherine isn't bad and Bella is his younger sister. He has a dog called Austin.)**

"They're ok." He said, staring down at his coffee.

"And Austin?"

"He's ok." Zach said, still not looking up to face me.

"And…you?" I finally asked.

"I'm ok. Have a lot of work to do but I'm ok."

**You've been good, busier than ever.  
We small talk, work and the weather  
Your guard is up and I know why.**

I realised Zach wasn't going to open up to me. Maybe it would take him a month. Maybe a few months. Maybe even years. The damage I'd done to his heart was permanent. There was no going back.

**Because the last time you saw me  
Is still burned in the back of your mind.  
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.**

I remembered that day so clearly. I was on a mission in Singapore. Zach had come to surprise me. It had happened before, him popping up during my missions because he missed me. But it was different that time. When I entered my hotel room, he was there. On one knee, with a bouquet of gorgeous roses in his hand, pointing up to my face.

"Cammie. I have wanted to do this for so long, but there was never a perfect time. I love you, with all my heart. I have _always_ loved you with all my heart. Ever since we were young high school kids to now. I want to stay young and crazy for the rest of my life. With you. So, Cameron Ann Morgan, will you marry me?"

I had started into his eyes, paralysed for far too long. Time didn't matter to him, he was still on his knee waiting for a response.

I should have said yes.

"Zach…I'm sorry. I don't think I'm ready. We're 23 years old, our careers have only just started. I don't think I can make this kind of commitment. I'm sorry." I whispered, looking into his eyes, which had dropped, and had tears collecting in them.

For the seven years I had known him, he had never cried.

I should have said I was sorry.

I should have said yes.

But I watched him silently, dropping the roses onto the bed, dropping the box containing the ring into his pocket, and leaving the room.

I should have stopped him.

And I hadn't seen Zach in person ever since that incident, five months ago. In December.

**So this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.  
And I go back to December all the time.**

"Why did you really call me here, Cammie?" Zach asked, finally looking up at me.

"To apologise." I said, staring into those beautiful green eyes I had loved so dearly.

"For what? Breaking up with me? Letting me just walk away after I proposed? Not answering any of my phone calls or texts for one whole month? Never answering the door when I came to talk things through? What exactly are you apologising for?" Zach asked, his voice nearly shouting.

I gulped, and let a tear roll down my cheek.

"For everything."

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.  
I go back to December all the time.**

Ever since December, I had spent hours and hours each night when I was alone, wrapped in my blankets, thinking of how I could have handled December better. Soon after I returned from Singapore, I had texted Zach saying "I'm sorry this couldn't work out. I am breaking up with you." All of seemed so stupid, immature and unnecessary when I reflected upon it.

I should have known how his heart was fragile, he had lost so many people he loved, most of his family, including his father. His best friend.

**These days I haven't been sleeping  
Staying up playing back myself leaving,  
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.**

His birthday was on the 5th of January, the date was permanently engraved in my mind. Even after receiving five missed calls from him, I didn't call. I didn't even call him on his birthday.

I had bought his present a few months before December, when everything was ok. It was a gold chain with a "C" charm dangling off it, and I had a matching "Z" one.

We were supposed to put them on each other on his birthday.

Nothing was every supposed to break us up.

But I somehow managed to.

**And I think about summer, all the beautiful times  
I watched you laughing from the passenger side  
And realized I'd loved you in the fall.**

Last summer was our first proper summer together. I had moved in with him. There wasn't a day during summer when he wasn't by my side.

We were inseparable.

During our many road trips around the states, I had loved him more and more. We used to sing along to every song on the radio, and Zach's hundreds of Rock music CD's, which I had developed a love for.

Then in fall, I finally told him I loved him. Zach had told me years before, I had just never wanted to make such a commitment. From a young age I was taught not to get too attached, so I treated every moment I spent with someone as if it was our last together.

But Zach helped me overcome that. He helped me learn to love and trust. And realise he wasn't going anywhere.

And he kept to his promise.

It was me who broke mine.

**And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.  
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.**

During the winter, Zach went on a mission in Turkey and I went to stay with my Mom back in Virginia for a while. I had spent all my nights with Zach, cuddling him, never wanting to ever let go.

My nights in Virginia made me realise Zach wasn't going to be everywhere with me.

I realised I had gotten used to having him too much that I couldn't bear to see him leave for missions. But we were spies. Our lives consisted of constant missions, lasting from 3 days to 3 years.

So when he proposed to me, later in December, in Singapore, I had so much worry and doubt in my mind I rejected it.

I watched his hurt face walk away and I just said "Goodbye."

**So this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.  
And I go back to December all the time.**

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you, Cam." He whispered, and I let those sad words sink in.

"Then _try_! Because I am so much more sorry than you can ever imagine!" I argued, walking up to him, and shaking his shoulders.

"Who says there won't be another December again next year? I spent my birthday in my room, going back to when we were together and wondering where it all went wrong. I didn't speak to anyone until a month after Singapore. Do I really want to re-live that all over again?" His words were venom to my ears.

I let another tear roll down my eyes.

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time**

He didn't understand.

He didn't understand how much I regretted it.

But I hadn't understood either.

I hadn't understood how much I could shatter his heart into tiny little pieces.

How could I have ever thought he was learning to move on?

I was more at fault than him.

All he ever did was love me.

And all I ever did was break his heart.

**I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,  
And how you held me in your arms that September night,  
The first time you ever saw me cry.**

Back in September, I had visited my father's grave for the first time in my life. He had died when I was only four years old. It's something I didn't ever want to do alone, but I had never asked someone to come with me.

Zach had driven me all the way to Arizona, where he had been buried, because the mission where he was murdered was there.

We had gone together to the graveyard, stood in front of Matthew Morgan's gravestone, hand in hand, and closed our eyes, talking to him in our heads.

We stayed like that for hours. Until it got dark, we had headed back to Zach's car and I sobbed into his shirt, soaking it all through, but Zach didn't mind. He kept whispering comforting things to me, and rubbing my back.

He knew what it was like, losing a father. He had gone through it himself. And he was helping me.

No one could have ever been better to me than Zach. And everyone knew that.

**Maybe this is wishful thinking,  
Probably mindless dreaming  
But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right.**

"Zach please!" I said, uncontrollable and unwanted tears running down my face "Please give me a second chance!"

"I…I don't know if I can, Cammie. I don't know if you're ready to love me again." He said, reaching out to brush his fingers lightly against my cheeks, reminding himself of how I felt.

And my body went crazy after feeling his touch; his hands which I had wished to feel ever since December.

"I made a mistake, Zach. I am in love with you, and nothing can change that. I am in love with you," I said, placing my own hands over his, on my face, "And I always will. So if you don't give me a second chance, I just want you to know, I _love_ you. And nothing is going to change that."

**I'd go back in time and change it but I can't  
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.**

I would do anything to go back in time. Literally, anything.

But that's not physically possible.

Nothing seemed physically possible anymore.

But if he didn't want to give me a second chance, I would understand that as well.

After what I did, it would be a miracle for me to be forgiven.

**But this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,  
And I go back to December.**

"I'm sorry." I repeated, moving closer to him. "I'm sorry."

"Cammie," Zach groaned, placing his big hands on my shoulders. "I know you're sorry."

But he didn't know exactly how sorry I was. Which was very.

"This will never ever happen again, Zach, I am SO sorry for ever breaking up with you. I love you. And I hope you know how much it hurt me to stay away from you for so long!"

"I was hurt. I wanted a proper explanation. You wouldn't even talk to me." Zach murmured. "I don't know if I can do this."

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right.  
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time all the time**

"If there is anything I could have done to go and change what happened, I would have done it all. But there is not, Zachary, so here I am practically BEGGING you for forgiveness. Please, just believe me when I say I'm sorry!" I cried, breaking into sobs.

"Cammie, please, stop crying." Zach tried, rubbing my back gently, and hesitantly.

"No, I won't stop crying, what I did to you was so not right, you were so perfect, I didn't deserve someone like you! You were the best boyfriend I had ever had and I can't believe I would just ruin that! Because of some stupid instinct that you'd leave me one day, and never come back, like my father did with my mother. That you would…die!" I said, shaking. "I am so sorry, and I know you're not going to forgive me or forget that night, and I get that, and I know I'm being so stupid and I know you're never going to accept my "sorry's" or anything but I want you to know I am so-"

I was suddenly cut off by Zach's lips.

And at that moment, I forgot about everything.

All I could feel was the love, passion, anger, forgiveness, and every other emotion merged into one kiss.

I had missed Zach so much, and his lips finally made me realise he was back. He was with me, and I had him back.

"First thing's first, Gallagher Girl," He smirked, our foreheads touching, "If you say sorry again, I will get very irritated."

I let out a laugh, and kissed him again.

"Secondly, you really need to star responding to your calls. Like, seriously."

I grinned, and gave him another kiss.

"And next time I do something stupid, you need to knock some sense into me, Mr Goode!"

"Of course, Gallagher Girl, now there was something I wanted to do."

Suddenly, he got onto one knee and took out the same blue, velvet box I had seen back in Singapore.

Oh.

My.

God.

"I don't wanna repeat that little speech of mine, but I'm giving you another chance, which is very hard to get from Zachary Goode," he winked "Cameron Ann Morgan, I want to stay young and crazy with you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"

I jumped up and down in glee, and pulled him up.

"YESYESYESYESYES!" I screamed, and pulled him into a hug.

After I had stopped saying "YES" repeatedly, Zach slid a beautiful Tiffany's ring onto my finger, it had a gorgeous diamond cut centre diamond, surrounded by a diamond bead set, around my finger.

"Oh, Zachary," I said, still feeling all giddy, "You sure know how to please a woman."

"Only you, future Mrs Goode, only you."

**A/N: That took me all morning to write, and I have a Spanish speaking test in a few days which I need to write and learn…Oops?**

**Originally, I was going to leave them broken up, but then I decided I couldn't do that to my babies. **

**If you read it (and hopefully liked it) please review! **

**It's probably a one shot, so yeah, no point in following the story. **

**Love you guys (and I will update my other stories shortly!).**


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